Its my best friend C’s birthday tomorrow. I want to buy her something special seeing as though she’s pregnant and fed up. She wants housy things so i’m thinking of buying some chic living room goodies from Next or something. Clothes have been banned but maybe some acsessories might be ok….any ideas??
Archive for March, 2007
Something else is happening right now and I can’y quite explain it except that it seems to alude to PJB’s last year state of mind. On the whole I’m not feeling v happy right now but its more complicated than that. Things dont feel right but its not the usual doom and gloom of my past depression, the symptoms of that being – become anti social, eat alot all the time, sleep alot, feel cold all the time, do nothing except read magazines. This isn’t that, its much more subtle or it was until recently. My weight loss is starting to scare me a bit now – i weight 8st and 12lbs now – thats less than i’ve weighed in about 5 yearsif not a bit longer. I can see two ribs that i couldnt before without sucking my tummy in. It started when i had the sinusitis and felt sick all the time and then my appetite never came back and i just stopped eating normally altogether. Its not the diet mentality of denying myself things I want – i just dont get any pleasure out of food like i used to. Sometimes I really try hard – i bought some chips on tuesday night and ate about 10 and threw the rest away. I love chips and they tasted like cardboard to me. I’ve started having little conversations with myself too. They go like this….’right ok you can eat breakfast at the uni but no carb items and let it get cold and minging so you only really eat a little bit’ Then…’make the most of it cos you wont eat again today except a tiny snack in the evening if things get really desperate’.
Meanwhile my motivation for uni work has gone into overdrive which on the surface is a good thing.I;m getting on and doing well my work but it dont feel happy about it i just see the next hurdle. I feel like i dont have time to absorb anything.
I know theres a few drunken tantrums on the horizon. I know they’re not healthy but i think some things need to come out before i go mad. Maybe thats for the best though. I’m going up to Edinburgh in a few weeks to meet up with the Sydney friends again and i’m dreading just breaking down instead of having a good time with people i’m fond of.
Its v bright today so I am wearing my massive sunglasses from Accesorise. Its our last day of teaching at uni today which has come around a bit quick really. Nice flatmate and I had a big tlak last night about how we still haven’t got over the fact that we made it to uni at all – never mind to the end of the first year. It does only seem like 5 minutes ago that it was September.
Sadly I will be spending the entire rest of this week writing a sociology paper, not lounging around in the sun and not shopping :-(. Well ok i did order a Juicy tracksuit online and I might look at some brown Uggs later…..
The bursary came a week early. C and I were extra delighted but it did unfortunately delay the current essay by a whole day due to mall related activities. It was extremely pleasurable. I now have 2 pairs of v slinky SIZE 10 jeans. And the River Island ones gape a bit already (i’m just not mentally ready for and 8 though). Since my money doesn’t have to last me very long this term (we finish May 31st and I will be working full time after that) I’ve been splashing my cash around like theres no tomorrow. I even let one of the make up ladies in Boots sell me Estee Lauder Ideal Light (like Touche Eclat but skin coloured not white). Its very good. and £20!! I also now have that fancy Masterpiece Mascara but thats not as exciting as it looks on the advert.
More to the point what I should be doing right now is my very dull essay on care delivery but what I want to do is shop online until dawn and gossip on msn. I expect I’d get more done if I actually went out instead!
9 stone!!!!! I’m gobsmacked!!! Thinner than when i got back from Asia and everything!
Thinking i might actually look ok naked.