Please let me go with you, I’ll wear the smile on your face

I did some training yesterday about a tool developed by a similar runaways project to facilitate discussion around emotions with young people. One of the exercises was to choose an emotion and  give it a colour/feel/shape etc and then contextulaise it. For example ‘what does *** mean to you/those around you’. I chose happiness. I descibed it as being red in colour, sounding like music, feeling like a kitten and being heart shaped. After a while it gets easier and you stop over thinking and write the first thing that comes into your head. when I havd to describe what happiness means to me/those around me all I could think was that quite often I worry about telling people I am happy because I know that it has a good chance of causing resentment/irritation/jealousy. I think this is quite sad and an indication that I don’t feel very supported.  I think my supposed support system looks like this;

  • Mum. On the whole v supportive but has high expectations of me and this year has had alot of her own issues so shared joy is a bit sporadic.
  • Dad. One extreme to the other. When he is happy then he’s overjoyed by my smallest acheivements. When he’s cranky he only assesses information with regard to how it affects him and can be quite nasty. He also bitches to my sisters about me and vice versa so its a bit hit and miss.
  • My sister. Makes a big fuss about being there for me. Gives delayed, luke warm responses.

On the other hand…

  • Best friend A. Very supportive about everything. If i’m happy, shes happy for me. One of the few friends I have who I don’t feel competes with me.
  • Long standing friend S. Much the same as A. I’m lucky to have these two – wish I saw more of them.
  • MYF’s. Although I’ve underestimated them in the past they are actually very good to me. This was quite evident when I was ill earlier in the year.

But then theres…

  • Friend I have fallen out with: I hide things from her. I tell myself its to protect her feelings but actually its to avoid her covert meanness. She made some barbed comments recently accusing me of becoming ‘too materialistic’ since I have been with Shep. I am still f**ked off about this. I think she found it easier when we were both struggling with life. Maybe I make her feel bad about herself. i dunno really. I don’t mean to and i’ve gone out of my way alot to support her.

Not forgetting…..

  • Shep. Well I can’t really complain about him!! In all seriousness he’s great but I’ve only had him a few months. He did one say something very meaningful to me though, which was ‘got strong arms to carry baggage’.
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7 Responses to “Please let me go with you, I’ll wear the smile on your face”

  1. Dave59r Says:

    Sure his strong arms will be there to carry a lot more than just baggage….

    xxx

  2. onestepbeyond Says:

    Can Shep lend me an arm?

    Seriously, as I said to you at my party, I am so pleased you’re happy. You deserve it. It’s been a long road, but you got there.

    And for the record, I don’t compete with you, but I am very, very jealous. You always have great hair and you’re beautiful.

    I hate you (in the nicest possible way)

    x

  3. pinkjellybaby Says:

    everyone deserves to be happy….that’s what i think anyway

    and seeing people happy is wonderful, it rubs off on you when you spend time with them….

    xx

  4. sungirltan Says:

    osb – yes but you have thing i’m jealous of too xxx
    pjb – i’m glad you think that – thats really nice – and live and let live xx

  5. hoverfrog Says:

    Pah! Happiness is overrated. You should be grateful for your misery.

    Joking.

    My happiness is a shiny green colour (not metallic but very polished like a smooth stone), it’s oval and a bit flat and it sits perfectly in the palm of my hand. It’s cold to the touch but warms up quickly and sounds like giggles when you shake it. It also smells of freshly baked cookies. Sometimes it pretends to be other things.

    You’re right it is easy once you get started. What’s the tool called? The Hildy would be interested in it for her work and because it’s interesting.

  6. sungirltan Says:

    hi hf – it was called Whats Up Senior – a lady from the Relationship Centre came and did it with us

  7. sungirltan Says:

    ps i realy liked your description hf – way cool!

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