1 Month Old

November 12, 2009

And all is well, seemingly. The goblin is asleep in her basket. We’ve broken the back of the laundry mountain and had a reasonably good nights sleep. Later I will steel myself and take her cards down from the windowsills although I want to leave them up for months. I already have a bag of clothes she has outgrown, ready for Shep’s niece’s little daughter, due 20 weeks after Zadie, although I held back the tiniest pink stripey vest because she really will never be that small again.

Zadie weighs 8lbs 2 ozs now and looks alot less flimsey. She smiled properly for the first time yesterday, not for us but for Grandma!


Now that I have healed somewhat…

October 27, 2009

The little goblin is now nearly 3 weeks old. The following are some thoughts from the last few weeks:

1. Being induced, starting labour and ending up with an emergency c section was about the least fun i’ve ever had. For those sans children, contractions were excruciating (still not as bad as root canal but still pretty bad). The breathing technique that makes them more bearable is v effective (had to be expereinced to be believed by me) BUT you cannot do anything elese at the same time as the breathing thing otherwise it won’t work. This is particularly unhelpful when you have a doctor and an aneasthetist insisting on reading out all the consent forms to you and not seeming to understand this whole contraction business.

2. Panic aside the c section was ok. I can see why women elect to have them now even though i’d have been critical of that in the past. Having the labour pain amounting to nothing and then having the c section was a joke. Also this urban myth about c sections interfering with important baby bonding is an outrageous lie. My baby came out very serene and latched on to feed less than an hour after she was born and seemed to have no doubt who I was.

3. Not all midwives are nice. Angry night time MW practically accused me of morphine addiction the last night I was in hospital. I asked for painkillers because I couldn’t sit down to feed the baby. Nice day time MW was v cross about this (the other MW, not me).

4. Morphine will mess with your head. Especially a 4 day bender on it. It also makes you vomit. A lot. Shep didn’t quite believe about this until I threw up gallons in front of him.

5. Despite all the cakes I ate in the last month my baby was so dinky when she hatched all the clothes I bought were far too big. My Mum had to go and buy her premature baby clothes and when I brought her home she had only two babygros I could put on her. She has a few more now though.

6. Although recovery from the c section has been quick, the first few days were really hard. Its very frsutrating to not be able to sit up, laugh or cough or sneeze without it hurting alot. Its not very dignified either. What with the maternity pads and the breast pads (i abandoned the disposeable pants early on), you do feel like quite the invalid for a while. However, the rest of the world expects you to be an invalid for a lot longer and seem amazed that you can get up and go places and manage the baby.

7. Looking after the baby is easy. Its the tiredness that makes it hard work. And the laundry.

8. If you breastfeed then midwives and health visitors will praise you lots. But other people will go to great lengths to justify why they didn’t – whether you judge them or not.

9. Baby sick is very tenacious! This morning it went straight through the moses basket liner, then the wicker and made a puddle on the wood floor underneath.

10. People love to buy baby gifts. My daughter already has an extensive wardrobe of far too big clothes to rival Victoria Beckham.

Protected: Its about time I told you…

October 13, 2009

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September 30, 2009


I’ve not hatched yet but I did get to graduate!

1 week to go…

September 19, 2009

I have not yet hatched. Any tips on hurrying this up gratefully recieved. Meanwhile at Shep Towers we’ve been busy playing with all the baby junk. Here is Shep, practising….


baby carrier



bum cover

So as you can see, if I give birth to a build a bear we’re totally prepared!

Well I’ll be damned..

September 15, 2009

I got a 2:1!

Up the creek and through the mill

September 10, 2009

No, firstly, I haven’t had the baby yet. She’s still allegedly got another 2 weeks to cook. I’ve been quiet lately due to being holed up in Teignmouth with the mother since Shep is STILL away and I can’t really be home alone this close to hatching date. Also I am feeling a bit reluctant to invite contact with a good few people right now, hence low facebook activity. But thats another rant.
The last few weeks of my degree stuff were arduous to say the least and did involve several meltdowns due to evil stomach infection the week of my last exam and me throwing up over the kitchen sink about an hour prior to said exam. not fun and mentally well, a bit too much for me. I don’t have my progression results yet. If I can graduate this year then great but if I can’t, no one can say I didn’t bloody well try – which is more than can be said for a few other people I know – see above. Grrrrr.

Meanwhile I have been having a lovely time at chez mama. Mostly we have been collecting up random baby things from charity shops and hospital bag things from random shops around here. I have begun collecting Beatrix Potter books from said charity shops – I now have 8! Yes, I know I could just buy a set but this has amused me plus I don’t want my daughter to be overly precious about new/fancy things. She has also aquired a v cool black and white velour all in one to make her look like a cat for £1.75 from Cancer Research.

Apart from that I have mostly been idling along the beach and eating ice creams and generally resting and hugging the cats. The baby has been busy doing her pointy baby dance at all hours.

My Secret Life

August 27, 2009

My parents were….

My Dad was a Civil Engineer but I don’t think it was ever enough. He was more of an armchair activist than anything else. I saw him once operating the loudspeaker on top of a campaign car for the Labour Party. I thought…it took him 70 years to do that.
My Mum, my mum knew what she wanted and did that. She put herself through college and trained as a school teacher, later specialising in Special Needs children and later the deaf. When I was little she taught adult basic education in the evenings as well. I think my Mum found fulfillment in her career easier than a lot of people I know. I think my Dad was always jealous of that.

The home I grew up in…..

Began as a regency town house with 5 bedrooms and 3 gardens with a gravel drive. It was cold and empty. Later it was a tiny cottage on the seafront that was cosy and warm and happy.

When I was a child I wanted to be….

About a million different things including a screen writer and a riding instructor.

At night I dream of…..

Reconcilliations and possible futures at the moment. Its very odd and I wonder if its something to do with big life changes coming up.

If I could change one thing about myself….

I’m not sure I would. I’ve had my ups and downs but I’ve enjoyed the ride. I’ve lived a priviledged life.

What I see when I look in the mirror….

I don’t look as old as I feel sometimes. And that confidence comes with age, not beauty.

A book that changed me….

Jack Common’s Kidders Luck. I wish I could get a copy of The Ampersand to go with it.

My favourite work of art….

I saw this sculpture in the Rome modern art museum by a sculptor called Bartholeme. It was his homage to his dead wife and was a marble relief of a sleeping couple. It was maybe the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

The last album I bought….

Was a Rolling Stones best of for Shep. Before that it was Kings of Leon for him and before that Abba – for him on his own in the car thankfully. I don’t really buy albums any more.

You wouldn’t know it but I’m very good at….

Getting other people organised – which is helpful for a Social Worker!

You may not know it but I’m not very good at….

Accepting compliments/postive feedback.

My favourite building is….

Columbia University in New York. It will always hold memories of freedom and youth for me.

Movie heaven is….

The Way We Were. I’ll always feel a bit like Katie.

The best invention ever is….


I wish I’d never worn….

Massive nail extensions like I did in the early 00’s. I think they look chavtastic now. And scary!

My greatest regret….

That I didn’t take more pictures. You think you will remember everything. You won’t.

Whats the point?

Be good and fear not?

My life in six words….

Its never too late to begin.

(theived from The Independent)


August 15, 2009

Since today I discovered my Social Theory exam is 5 days later than I’d planned for i’m awarding myself a short break.

1. If anyone doesn’t believe I actually look 8 months pregnant…think again!!


2. A taxi driver asked me if I had Russion roots because of my name. I told him my Dad named me after a child he read about in a museum in Moscow over 30 years ago. The taxi driver seemed pleased and told me it was a good name and ‘not too common’ in the UK. I wonder who will ask my daughter if she knew her name was Arabic.

3. I watched the film Grow Your Own last night on BBC2. It was the story of a group of asylum seekers/refugees being given allotments in Liverpool. It was so similar to my agency’s project we cou;d have written it ourselves. It was funny and subtle and very sad. I was very impressed.

4. On that note I’m going plant shopping tomorrow for the hatchling’s small balcony. Otherwise she will have a view into a gutter. Live things don’t fare too well up here so if anyone can recommend a really hardy perenial(sic) that doesn’t grow too huge in a pot I’d be pleased.

5. My ropey BT broadband is driving me fecking mad. I can’t have Virgin (no cables) and I’m reluctant to have Sky (don’t want a tv package). Any ideas?

The Final Furlong

August 10, 2009

1. In 2 weeks I just *might* finish my degree. Its quite a big might but I am plugging away at Asylum Seeker Mental Health, Children and Families, Social Theory and my practice portfolio. No one can say I didn’t try quite hard. I feel like a giant pumpkin at best and get tired all the time, especially on the days I am stuck with the feel hungry all the time but everything I eat makes me nauseus routine. Also I think I have lost my dyslexia tutor but i’m getting a bit past caring about that. I just want to finish.

2. In a month Shep will come home and hopefully fix the loo seats before I throw them off the balcony. He is trapped on his prison ship (oil rig) for a while yet. He is busy writing poems to the baby however.

3. In 6 weeks the baby is due. She at least now has a bedroom and lots of stuff, and some clothing. So far we are kitted out mostly by Ikea, Jojo Maman Bebe, ebay and John Lewis but the nicest baby clothes came second hand from a table top sale at my Sure Start. We don’t have a pram yet but I will be getting a nice red one from Quinny soon enough when I have decided who deserves the £600 the most (not toys r us). I’ve had some mixed reactions about this but well, tough – I wouldn’t put her in Primark shoes either.
Otherwise I am getting irritated by this whole reuseable nappy business. I find disposeables really quite vile so I am keen to have washable nappies but I just want to buy a kit with everything including a nappy pail and the detergent etc and theres seems to be some politics around that.

Meanwhile here is a lesson in manners:

‘Excuse me, whats it like to be pregnant?’ – is a reasonable question which will not cause offence.

(after my back has turned) ‘Oooh, I wonder what being pregnant is like’ is rude! I’m pregnant – not deaf!!